MD: Are you saying that you still desire to be married?
DM: I’m giving up on it more and more.
MD: Really?
DM: Honest. I’m giving up on it more and more, because I’m 55, and there are no prospects.
MD: You must meet tons of women. How can there be no prospects?
DM: You know, if you went outside, you could meet tons of men right now.
MD: So, what are you looking for? What have you not seen that you desire?
DM: Right now, it’s not that.
MD: What is it?
DM: It’s fear. It’s not that I haven’t found the woman that’s right. It’s fear. It’s not them; it’s me.
MD: Fear of what?
DM: Fear of a failed marriage. Fear of hurting a woman with my past. Fear that someone won’t love you for who you are, because of the past relationships that you’ve had ... the relationships that turned into cream cheese in front of you. [Donnie laughs]
MD: Do you mean your past relationships with men?
DM: Yes. That’s one of the fear factors. There are so many different fears.
AM: This is a therapy session! [Everyone laughs]
DM: Exactly.
MD: I’m loving it! So, Donnie, how do you conquer those fears?
DM: That’s just it. I’ve taken all of my energies and put them into preaching, singing, pastoring, and ministering around the world – helping other people out – because I’m secure in that. This is what succeeds. This is what is accomplished. This doesn’t hurt me. This doesn’t judge me. I can absolutely be great in this. So, I live here.
MD: So, the fear of being hurt, the fear of someone judging your past, the fear of someone not loving you for who you are – those fears are strong enough to keep you in an emotional prison?
DM: Yeah, because I don’t live there. I live in the world where I’m successful. My family will tell you, I’m hardly ever home. If I’m home seven or eight days a month, it’s a vacation. Because I live in the world where I have success – where I have security.
AM: Yeah, but it’s a little bit of escapism.
DM: No, it’s not “a little bit of.” It’s absolutely escapism! But, listen, I’ve built this world so much, it’s not like...
MD [finishing Donnie’s statement]: It’s not like you’re in a small closet. You’ve built it large enough to exist there. But, Pastor Donnie, you help people come out of their prisons every day.
DM: Sure do.
MD: Well, don’t you feel an obligation to get out of yours?
AM: I believe that we’re a product of our past.
MD [to Donnie]: Have you been hurt too many times?
DM: Yes. I’ve been hurt by too many people. But it’s not just that I’ve been hurt – I’ve been hurt, and I’ve hurt. I guess there’s a subconscious feeling of penance. You gotta look back and think about the hearts you’ve broken.
