BY JAY PAYLEITNER
IT WAS DIFFICULT to write 52 Things Husbands Need from Their Wives, because it required me to talk to women. Usually, that’s something that I enjoy. But, when I wrote the book, I wasn’t just chitchatting with women. I was speaking into their lives – supposedly telling them what to do. In my earlier book, 52 Things Wives Need from Their Husbands, I felt quite comfortable coming alongside men and saying, “Come on, dude. You know what your wife needs. Stop being a selfish jerk. Just do it. Be the man. Be the husband your wife needs.” In my natural tone, no guy is going to be offended by that. But I can’t use that tone with women I don’t know. I can’t say, “Hey babe, just give your old man what he wants.” Yikes! That sounds creepy, doesn’t it? So I won’t use that tone when giving you advice, but I hope that this information will add a fresh, wonderful spark to your marriage.
Our Deepest Need
As men, our deepest need is for our bride to slide over close and tell us – just once in a while– that we’re doing a good job. That we’re appreciated. That you look up to us, and need us. I know that’s not easy. Women today are distracted. You’re receiving mixed messages, and sending out mixed signals. Your husband wants to give you everything your heart desires, but he’s not sure what that is. Some days, you want a satisfying career. Other days, you want a house full of babies. Would you prefer for us to clean the carpets this weekend, or take you on a picnic? Do you want us to be more sensitive, and watch more chick flicks? If we got a Harley, would we be more attractive?
While you’re sorting out your fantasies, we’re just two feet away hoping you’ll ask us to join you in the journey. We want to partner in your dream. We can be your own personal cheerleader, or your sidekick, or your shining knight ... if only you would slide next to us ... and tell us what you want.
Close the Distance
But how did you and your husband get where you currently are – two miles apart? Think back to before you got married. Think of the lad who taught you how to love in brand-new ways. Romantic love. Committed love. Crazy love. Eternal love. Silly love. You may be thinking, Where did that guy go?
Ladies, he’s right there. That guy is inches away. He’s looking down the same road, and going in the same direction. He’s committed to sharing your life, and sharing your bed. By the way, he’s asking the same question: Where did that young lady go?
Women of strength and courage, don’t be shy! Slide over, and let him put his arm around your shoulder. You can even ask him to pull the car over. Look into his eyes, maybe for the first time in a long time. Tell him you’re glad you married him. Tell him you need him. You did not get married to live separate lives.
“Love is as strong as death; jealousy is
as strong as the grave.
Love bursts into flames, and burns
like a hot fire. Even much water cannot put out
the flame of love;
floods cannot drown love.”
(Song of Solomon 8:6-7,
New Century Version)