The Truth About Marriage
MD: Lauren, what’s your favorite song that Chris has written?
LT: It’s from an old [Passion Worship Band] album. It’s called “Kindness.” The song says, “It's Your kindness, Lord, that leads us to repentance.” It’s funny because I didn’t know who Chris was when we were introduced, and I had such a passion for that song. I think it was providential. Years later, once we were married – when we were going through a harder patch – when we were addressing our brokenness – God would continually bring that song to my mind. My tendency was to be reactive. But, God would remind me, “It’s my kindness – my kindness, Lauren – that leads to repentance.”
MD: Chris, from the outside looking in, it can seem like you don’t have many problems. And that, obviously, can’t be true. What do you consider to be the hardest period in your life?
CT: Truthfully, it would be the beginning of our marriage. Before we got married, I didn’t take time to think about the issues I had in my life. I would just keep going. I’m a “rug sweeper.” I sweep everything under the rug. And then, there was quite a collision of our styles in relating, because I married what we call a “hammer.” [Marsha laughs]
MD: What does that mean? What’s a “hammer”?
CT: Well, Lauren’s like, “Let’s get all of this out! Let’s talk about it right now.” She dealt with things with intensity, and I kept everything on the inside – which wasn't necessarily healthy either. It was a collision of our brokenness. But God wanted to restore those places in both of our lives, and He worked through our marriage to make that happen. There were some issues that I had in my life that I had to work out. They came to the forefront in our marriage. I think it’s fair to say that I’m definitely as human as anyone who reads this article. I think it’s the hardest thing about my position. People look at me and think, “Wow, you must have a red phone to God.” But I’m very ordinary, and struggle with the same things everyone else struggles with.
MD: Lauren, how were you and Chris able to climb out of your marital challenges?
LT: I learned that, ultimately, I could not control Chris. Of course, because of Eve’s fall in the [Garden of Eden], it’s easy for us (as women) to want to control our husbands. I had to let go, and tell God, “You’re the Teacher. You will teach him better than I ever could.” And I found a romance with God. In the places where Chris and I didn’t have what I wanted, I went to Jesus. That freed Chris to love me, because I wasn’t coming to him out of a need – that needy, controlling place. It also freed God to come in and reach Chris in a way that I never could.
MD: Chris – given your position in ministry, and the way the world sees you – is it difficult to seek help, and share your very-human experiences?
CT: Yeah. People easily find advisors for everything in life – this is my financial advisor ... this is my coach ... this is my teacher ... this is my pastor. In every part of life, we have advisors and mentors. But, when it comes to relationships, it’s easy and more comfortable to not let anyone else in. That’s been one of the hardest things for me, because of who I am. What if someone comes in and sees that I don’t have it all together? What is that going to be like? It’s hard to find the right people ... people who you can trust.
The Truth About Worship
MD: Chris, your entire life is about worship. Your tours are about worship. Your music is about worship. What does worship look like in a marriage? CT: Wow. Ummm. Wow.
LT: That’s a really good question! These are all great questions, quite frankly.
CT: You know, when you get down to it, worship is what you value the most. Everyone worships something. And, for me, worship is leading my family to the Kingdom. It’s more than just saying, “Hey, let’s go to church.” It’s about what I’m like as a dad, and what I’m like as a husband. Am I the same person off the stage as I am on the stage? If that is different, that’s gonna jack my kids up. They’ll be like, “Well, dad’s one way on the stage, and at home he’s another way.” So, for me, in a marriage, worship is reflecting Christ to my family. It’s being the same person at home.
